Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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