It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The air was thick with penises
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
