She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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