I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Porn is love you can see.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
