Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
