Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
