i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
