Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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