This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I looked at my own cervix.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
