when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
