If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
