I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
