wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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