I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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