I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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