2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
