he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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