Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
