shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
