Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
