We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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