it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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