I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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