Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
