i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
