He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I pour the whiskey from now on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
