oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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