I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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