My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
