My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
