Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
