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Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
