The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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