So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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