you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
