you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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