if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we're making bets on your personal life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
