How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
