Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
