Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
