Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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