We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sext me about skeletons
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
