did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
