I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
