I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
