How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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