Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
