Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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