??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
