dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize