Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
