I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
